The majority of you who read this will realize that the following statement is not a new revelation for you. "I am a control freak!" Even though I am so thankful that I am not in control of my life and that GOD IS, I am still a control freak. I have proof that God provides for me, when I can't see a way. Yet still, I get frustrated, annoyed, upset, slightly emotional (okay Dr. Eley - stop laughing...) REALLY emotional and the list goes on.
In early April in my blog, I posted that I did not have the financial aid to complete my required credits to attain my bachelor's degree. Well, due to my newly status of "unemployed", I was granted additional financial aid (after submitting a significant amount of red tape paperwork). I recall being so upset with the school for getting my hopes up about being done and the tears of coming this far and not being able to finish. So, I walked graduation a couple of weeks ago and I am now preparing to finish up my degree. Silly me for getting all worked up!
My health has been another area where I wish that I was in control. Ever since I had pneumonia in April of 09, I have struggled with asthma. Doing breathing treatments several times a day has been very frustrating. The doctor was able to find the right combination of inhalers and allergy medicine and I am no longer taking daily breathing treatments, only when I need them. One thing that Mark and I knew had the potential to improve my health even more was to replace the carpet with tile. And our existing tile was horrible, so we would need to do the entire house. Sigh. Big $$$$.
Well, after our puppy made sure that our carpet was beyond help, a roll-off dumpster appeared and Mark (with a little help from my dad and I) pulled up the carpet and he pulled up all of the tile. Now what, I thought? We decided to meet with a tile contractor so I called them and they met me the same day. Five days later, new tile installation began. God provided the funding through my vacation pay-out at work.
All 2,000 square feet of furniture and everything else is now either in my backyard or the pod that sits in my driveway. The majority of my family is living in a 400 sq. ft. hotel room next door to my parents house, where our oldest daughter is staying. I'm thinking that I should have traded with her :-).
I am very much a home body. This hotel living is not for me. While I am enjoying time in the pool with my children, I would much rather be home. Right now, my two boys are sleeping on a sofa sleeper and they are literally on top of each other. It's fun watching Mark trying to untangle them without waking them up. Suzy and Vanessa are sharing a bed in our room and they are shoving and kicking each other all night. It's only been 4 nights, today is night 5, but I'm so done with this. However, I know that God is teaching me patience through this process (why He thinks I need this lesson AGAIN! I do not know).
Lessons learned these past few weeks:
1. I have little faith at times in God's willingness to provide me my wants; not just my needs (I want to finish college).
2. God always provides my needs (I have a roof over my head and I am with my family, albeit it really small).
3. At times I really do need assistance, as I can't do it all (another blog needed to explain just this lesson).
4. I can pack up my entire house in less than 5 days (without the kitchen).
5. We have a lot of books! (25 boxes worth!).
6. Installing 2,000 square feet of tile takes about a week; with no furniture or people living there.
7. I am loved!
My wonderful husband has the patience of a saint to put up with my emotional roller coasters as I attempt to achieve some sense of sanity in this insane world we live in. God is constantly teaching me that He too has patience with me and that He is ALWAYS faithful.
Chris Tomlin's newest song, I Will Lift My Hands Up, has really spoken to me.
Here is the chorus:
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
The new phase of my life is not an easy one and these words remind me that no matter what, He is faithful. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
New Chapter
It is hard to believe that it has been over two months since I last blogged. This is not a reflection on the fact that my life has been boring since January 21st, but just the opposite. I'm not even sure where to begin, so I think that I am just going to do some bullet points that lead up to the new chapter in our lives.
* February 4th we met with CPS and an eight year old boy.
* February 11th, this sweet little boy was placed with us for adoption.
* February 11th I turned in my letter of resignation to the City of Scottsdale after almost twenty years.
* February 14th I reduced my in-office hours to six hours/day and worked the other two - four hours from home in the evenings.
* March 11th we signed the Intent to Adopt papers for our eight year son
* March 14th we headed to Disneyland for Spring Break
* March 25th was my last day with the City of Scottsdale
* March 28th I began a new chapter in my life, stay-at-home mom.
So, now I "stay" home. Not quite what I had imagined. The six hours a day that I am home with just Tyler and Jessica fly by. I thought that I would have plenty of time to get housework done and homework done. Not happening. I am still up late at nights getting things done. About the only thing that has changed is that we no longer go out to eat for dinner and dinners are typically ready no later than 6:00 PM. I think that once I get a handle on things and eliminate all of the one time items on my "to do" list, it will be a lot easier. I am also doing preschool with Tyler every day, which is a huge joy to me. I do have some down time each day (Tyler's nap time), which I am trying to leave as down time so that I can prepare for a future job opportunity if it were to come my way.
This has been a huge adjustment, which I expected, but I didn't expect the emotional roller coaster that I experienced last week. It was difficult to not get up each day and go to work, interacting with my great group of employees. My co-workers waited two days before they called me and my supervisor waited four days before he emailed me. They made me feel a little guilty not being there to help them, but I was able to talk them through it.
I also found out last week that I do not have enough credits to graduate after I finish these last two classes in June, so now I am having to take three additional classes. The financial impact of knowing that I am out of student loan money was hard to take, but we think that we have figured it out. I will be done by October, which will allow me to still walk graduation in May. God is so good to provide for us and I hope to use my degree later on in my life by substitute teaching and helping Mark run his education consulting business that he dreams of starting after he retires.
I am totally loving my life even more so, and feel totally at peace with our decision. Mark is so much happier and he is still very much involved in the day-to-day operations of Eley Castle. I was afraid that with me staying home, he would work longer hours and not touch base or help out, but these past two weeks he has still doing doctors' appointments when we have two children that have conflicting appointments and coming home at a decent hour when he is able to do. He calls or texts me just to say "I love you". I personally think he is checking to make sure that I haven't run away yet! (Just kidding!)
God is so faithful and has blessed us so much and we are so thankful that He has given us our beautiful children and that He has provided us a way so that I can stay home with them. My days are still filled, but with different joys and blessings.
* February 4th we met with CPS and an eight year old boy.
* February 11th, this sweet little boy was placed with us for adoption.
* February 11th I turned in my letter of resignation to the City of Scottsdale after almost twenty years.
* February 14th I reduced my in-office hours to six hours/day and worked the other two - four hours from home in the evenings.
* March 11th we signed the Intent to Adopt papers for our eight year son
* March 14th we headed to Disneyland for Spring Break
* March 25th was my last day with the City of Scottsdale
* March 28th I began a new chapter in my life, stay-at-home mom.
So, now I "stay" home. Not quite what I had imagined. The six hours a day that I am home with just Tyler and Jessica fly by. I thought that I would have plenty of time to get housework done and homework done. Not happening. I am still up late at nights getting things done. About the only thing that has changed is that we no longer go out to eat for dinner and dinners are typically ready no later than 6:00 PM. I think that once I get a handle on things and eliminate all of the one time items on my "to do" list, it will be a lot easier. I am also doing preschool with Tyler every day, which is a huge joy to me. I do have some down time each day (Tyler's nap time), which I am trying to leave as down time so that I can prepare for a future job opportunity if it were to come my way.
This has been a huge adjustment, which I expected, but I didn't expect the emotional roller coaster that I experienced last week. It was difficult to not get up each day and go to work, interacting with my great group of employees. My co-workers waited two days before they called me and my supervisor waited four days before he emailed me. They made me feel a little guilty not being there to help them, but I was able to talk them through it.
I also found out last week that I do not have enough credits to graduate after I finish these last two classes in June, so now I am having to take three additional classes. The financial impact of knowing that I am out of student loan money was hard to take, but we think that we have figured it out. I will be done by October, which will allow me to still walk graduation in May. God is so good to provide for us and I hope to use my degree later on in my life by substitute teaching and helping Mark run his education consulting business that he dreams of starting after he retires.
I am totally loving my life even more so, and feel totally at peace with our decision. Mark is so much happier and he is still very much involved in the day-to-day operations of Eley Castle. I was afraid that with me staying home, he would work longer hours and not touch base or help out, but these past two weeks he has still doing doctors' appointments when we have two children that have conflicting appointments and coming home at a decent hour when he is able to do. He calls or texts me just to say "I love you". I personally think he is checking to make sure that I haven't run away yet! (Just kidding!)
God is so faithful and has blessed us so much and we are so thankful that He has given us our beautiful children and that He has provided us a way so that I can stay home with them. My days are still filled, but with different joys and blessings.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Goodbye, precious little boy!
Today we said goodbye to our precious little eight year old boy. It was not meant to be. Although we never met him in person, we know a lot about him and have seen pictures of him and his beautiful smile. He will always be with us in our hearts.
We received a call from CPS this afternoon, letting us know that the decision had been made to leave him in his current foster placement and that they would be adopting him. Obviously, this is definitely what is best for him. Unfortunately, this decision should have been made months ago before the adoption process was begun outside of the foster family.
CPS never meant to put us in this position or to hurt our children (Suzy took it really, really hard). Mistakes happen and we were caught in the middle. We do not believe that anything happens by chance, so obviously, God has a great plan in mind. I was tearful when I talked with CPS (but somehow managed to keep it together while we were on the phone). This CPS office is already taking steps to make sure that what happened to us will never happen to another family. We also are now more knowledgeable (as well as our adoption agency) and we will also make sure that this never happens to us again.
I called our adoption agency to let them know that we had received the call (they already knew what the decision was, but CPS wanted to be the one to make the call as they were ones that needed to apologize and answer our questions). I was tearful with our adoption agency representative as well, but still managed to keep it together. She did tell me that she had already received a call from the CPS office that we had been working with about another possible placement. The CPS office and our adoption agency are going to give us some time to recuperate and then we will make a decision as a couple if we want to do this again.
Through this experience we have felt God's protecting arms around us, and have definitely felt all of the prayers that we received about this situation. I am really upset about putting our children through this, and CPS is also upset about that. We never get our children or family members involved until we are at a spot where there is no going back on our part or CPS. This was just something that happened because a step was missed in the process. We do take great comfort in knowing that this little boy is where he really wanted to be.
Mark and I are at peace with this. I had already made the decision yesterday to move on by scheduling our quarterly home visit with our adoption agency for next week. They are required to be out for a visit within 7 days of new placement, so we had cancelled ours in February, since we were anticipating that he would be moving in the next three-four weeks. This will also give us a chance for us to sit down and de-brief the events of this week as well as discussing what our next step is going to be.
We cling to our life verse; Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".
To quote my husband's tweet earlier today: "If I didn't serve a sovereign God, I would be angry right now". So thankful that we serve a sovereign God.
We received a call from CPS this afternoon, letting us know that the decision had been made to leave him in his current foster placement and that they would be adopting him. Obviously, this is definitely what is best for him. Unfortunately, this decision should have been made months ago before the adoption process was begun outside of the foster family.
CPS never meant to put us in this position or to hurt our children (Suzy took it really, really hard). Mistakes happen and we were caught in the middle. We do not believe that anything happens by chance, so obviously, God has a great plan in mind. I was tearful when I talked with CPS (but somehow managed to keep it together while we were on the phone). This CPS office is already taking steps to make sure that what happened to us will never happen to another family. We also are now more knowledgeable (as well as our adoption agency) and we will also make sure that this never happens to us again.
I called our adoption agency to let them know that we had received the call (they already knew what the decision was, but CPS wanted to be the one to make the call as they were ones that needed to apologize and answer our questions). I was tearful with our adoption agency representative as well, but still managed to keep it together. She did tell me that she had already received a call from the CPS office that we had been working with about another possible placement. The CPS office and our adoption agency are going to give us some time to recuperate and then we will make a decision as a couple if we want to do this again.
Through this experience we have felt God's protecting arms around us, and have definitely felt all of the prayers that we received about this situation. I am really upset about putting our children through this, and CPS is also upset about that. We never get our children or family members involved until we are at a spot where there is no going back on our part or CPS. This was just something that happened because a step was missed in the process. We do take great comfort in knowing that this little boy is where he really wanted to be.
Mark and I are at peace with this. I had already made the decision yesterday to move on by scheduling our quarterly home visit with our adoption agency for next week. They are required to be out for a visit within 7 days of new placement, so we had cancelled ours in February, since we were anticipating that he would be moving in the next three-four weeks. This will also give us a chance for us to sit down and de-brief the events of this week as well as discussing what our next step is going to be.
We cling to our life verse; Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".
To quote my husband's tweet earlier today: "If I didn't serve a sovereign God, I would be angry right now". So thankful that we serve a sovereign God.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Did we just lose our child?
That is a question that we are asking ourselves tonight. We were supposed to meet our new son this afternoon at 3:30 PM at a park about 90 minutes from our house. At 1:30 PM I received a phone call from our adoption agency. There was to be no visitation. Our licensing worker had very little information about what had happened. She did say that she would be hearing from CPS next Tuesday after they have a meeting. We do know that this has nothing to do with us. It is something that is going on elsewhere in the system and they have put a stop to his adoption placement.
I had a 1:30 PM meeting (which I had left to take this phone call since I knew who was calling me), so I had to text Mark that the visitation had been cancelled and then endured (what seemed liked forever) a 75 minute work meeting. My boss knew I had to leave and at some point during the meeting he asked why I was still there and I told him that the phone call I had stepped out to take was cancelling the visitation. The look on his face was one of shock, but he didn't say any more. The tears flowed immediately after the meeting was over and I was able to close my office door.
The tears have continued off and on tonight, as I go through the grieving process of uncertainty. Have we really lost him? CPS does not know the answer to this question. This is the first in all of years of doing this that we have made it this far in the adoption process to have it stopped. It has always been earlier in the process so we are in uncharted territory for us.
We told the other children that we don't know yet what is going on. We haven't suggested to them that we are not going to get him. I want to send as few mixed messages as possible. We don't know yet, so that is what they know. We did send an email to the CPS caseworker letting them know that as painful as this was, we still desired him in our family, but we truly want to do what they feel is best for him.
We know that God has a plan for our lives and for this child, whether he join our family or not. So for now, we are just taking it one step at a time, still walking outside of our boat.
We appreciate your prayers for our family as we wait this out. This does give me more time to focus on getting my asthma under control. I've had a bad flare-up for the past eight weeks, so I'm changing steroids and using my rescue inhalers on a regular basis daily as well as daily breathing treatments. (Of course, that would require me going to the pharmacy to fill the new prescriptions, which I forgot today and didn't have any time to do yesterday). I did get all of my blood work done today and chest x-ray to confirm that this is just asthma and not walking pneumonia.
I am humming one of my favorite songs, "Our God is Greater" by Chris Tomlin. Such a comfort tonight.
I had a 1:30 PM meeting (which I had left to take this phone call since I knew who was calling me), so I had to text Mark that the visitation had been cancelled and then endured (what seemed liked forever) a 75 minute work meeting. My boss knew I had to leave and at some point during the meeting he asked why I was still there and I told him that the phone call I had stepped out to take was cancelling the visitation. The look on his face was one of shock, but he didn't say any more. The tears flowed immediately after the meeting was over and I was able to close my office door.
The tears have continued off and on tonight, as I go through the grieving process of uncertainty. Have we really lost him? CPS does not know the answer to this question. This is the first in all of years of doing this that we have made it this far in the adoption process to have it stopped. It has always been earlier in the process so we are in uncharted territory for us.
We told the other children that we don't know yet what is going on. We haven't suggested to them that we are not going to get him. I want to send as few mixed messages as possible. We don't know yet, so that is what they know. We did send an email to the CPS caseworker letting them know that as painful as this was, we still desired him in our family, but we truly want to do what they feel is best for him.
We know that God has a plan for our lives and for this child, whether he join our family or not. So for now, we are just taking it one step at a time, still walking outside of our boat.
We appreciate your prayers for our family as we wait this out. This does give me more time to focus on getting my asthma under control. I've had a bad flare-up for the past eight weeks, so I'm changing steroids and using my rescue inhalers on a regular basis daily as well as daily breathing treatments. (Of course, that would require me going to the pharmacy to fill the new prescriptions, which I forgot today and didn't have any time to do yesterday). I did get all of my blood work done today and chest x-ray to confirm that this is just asthma and not walking pneumonia.
I am humming one of my favorite songs, "Our God is Greater" by Chris Tomlin. Such a comfort tonight.
Monday, November 22, 2010
It's Official... Sort of...
After months of prayer and budget spreadsheets, I have definitely decided that I will be leaving my current place of employment. I spoke with my director about my decision and we made an agreement in which I would stay until my 20 year anniversary, which is the middle of July, 2011.
Why would I agree to such a far out time? Why would my director even consider that? The answer is the same to both questions. We have a huge list of objectives to accomplish before he retires late next year, as do I and we want to see them through. He wants me to make sure that I have finished what I was forced to start with the outsourcing bid. He also wants to make sure that my successor is able to take up some of the vacuum that will be there when I leave. The management team knows what our plans are, but my employees do not (with the exception of my successor).
So, what next you may ask? I plan to be a stay at home, at least part-time. I will still need to bring in some sort of income to help cover the shortfall that we need for medical insurance premiums and if we want to have any extras. I've had several ideas come to mind, but my desire is to stay at home as much as possible and not have to work outside the home again. So, now I'm praying for whatever God has planned for this future step that we are taking.
On another note...
We may be having a wedding next summer, right after I leave my job. A little bird told me that a engagement announcement should be forthcoming in the next few weeks...
Stayed tuned for future developments.
Why would I agree to such a far out time? Why would my director even consider that? The answer is the same to both questions. We have a huge list of objectives to accomplish before he retires late next year, as do I and we want to see them through. He wants me to make sure that I have finished what I was forced to start with the outsourcing bid. He also wants to make sure that my successor is able to take up some of the vacuum that will be there when I leave. The management team knows what our plans are, but my employees do not (with the exception of my successor).
So, what next you may ask? I plan to be a stay at home, at least part-time. I will still need to bring in some sort of income to help cover the shortfall that we need for medical insurance premiums and if we want to have any extras. I've had several ideas come to mind, but my desire is to stay at home as much as possible and not have to work outside the home again. So, now I'm praying for whatever God has planned for this future step that we are taking.
On another note...
We may be having a wedding next summer, right after I leave my job. A little bird told me that a engagement announcement should be forthcoming in the next few weeks...
Stayed tuned for future developments.
Still out of the boat
It's been four weeks since I shared that we were stepping out on faith and going through some struggles. It was very rough waters at first and then things settled down for awhile and then the waves got really bad these past few days. I was ready to get back into the boat and go back to where we had come from. I was at my limit.
During one particular evening, I was able to reach out to one of our pastors for assistance. Although we weren't having a face to face conversation (we were "chatting" online as Mark was very ill and asleep and I didn't want to disturb him), I'm confident that he knew that I was very upset and that the tears were freely flowing. I felt guilty for being scared, but I just wasn't able to get past it. He was able to comfort me and encourage me and remind me that he was praying for protection for my family and myself and that it would be alright, no matter what. Although I knew that in my head, it just wasn't getting through the fear to my heart. We ended the conversation when I was in a better spot (I had no doubt that he would not let off the hook and let me get back into the boat!).
Things are still very rough. We have a lot of things to work through. Mark and I both need to continue to seek additional encouragement and support from our pastors to get through this. We have been fearful of some things and those things are present, and we aren't able to get through them by ourselves. So thankful that God has placed such wonderful pastors in our lives! Thank you Dr. Clavell, Rev. Medrano and Pastor Joe!
We continue to press on, knowing that God has a plan for us and that we will be okay at the end of this particular journey. I double checked my scriptures and nowhere does it say that it would be easy (as much as I would prefer it to be). As my former junior high youth leader said a few days ago "I have a love/hate relationship with God's many lessons in my life". I agree Steve!
During one particular evening, I was able to reach out to one of our pastors for assistance. Although we weren't having a face to face conversation (we were "chatting" online as Mark was very ill and asleep and I didn't want to disturb him), I'm confident that he knew that I was very upset and that the tears were freely flowing. I felt guilty for being scared, but I just wasn't able to get past it. He was able to comfort me and encourage me and remind me that he was praying for protection for my family and myself and that it would be alright, no matter what. Although I knew that in my head, it just wasn't getting through the fear to my heart. We ended the conversation when I was in a better spot (I had no doubt that he would not let off the hook and let me get back into the boat!).
Things are still very rough. We have a lot of things to work through. Mark and I both need to continue to seek additional encouragement and support from our pastors to get through this. We have been fearful of some things and those things are present, and we aren't able to get through them by ourselves. So thankful that God has placed such wonderful pastors in our lives! Thank you Dr. Clavell, Rev. Medrano and Pastor Joe!
We continue to press on, knowing that God has a plan for us and that we will be okay at the end of this particular journey. I double checked my scriptures and nowhere does it say that it would be easy (as much as I would prefer it to be). As my former junior high youth leader said a few days ago "I have a love/hate relationship with God's many lessons in my life". I agree Steve!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Onto the Crashing Waves We Go
There are times when God decides that it is time for us (Mark and I) to put our money where our mouth is. Time to really show Him and the world that we do trust Him with everything in our lives. That time is now for us. And it is NOT comfortable. In this particular situation in which we are going through, we are obedient followers (not willing followers) and we know that this will take months for us to complete this journey.
We are officially out of the boat, walking on water towards Him. The waves of doubt, fear and trepidation are all around us. Every now and then we get hit really hard with one of these waves and get knocked over. We struggle to get up and sometimes we fail to get up successfully in a rapid manner. We feel the prayer of others cheering us on. We are very wet and sometimes very cold. At times, we are walking on the water hand in hand. But after a wave knocks one or both of us down, it is a struggle to find each other, pull ourselves up and continue hand in hand. We have forgotten more than once to look for God’s hand to pull us up. We have also forgotten to look at Him and have started to sink. But thankfully, the reminder cheers and guidance of our spiritual advisors and prayer warriors show us the way to His hands.
As we take this journey across the water, we are relying on our faith to get us through. The spiritual attacks to us individually and as a couple are very difficult battles. These attacks at times also include our children. The more we journey, the worse it gets. Satan does not want us to be successful in our journey and is making it very difficult for us. We are already exhausted from the battles, but we press on. We seek God’s will in this journey, obedient to His direction.
While we desire to be transparent in our lives, this journey is one that requires us to walk obediently, with our mouths crying out only to God and to our spiritual advisors. We may withdraw at times from our normal routines in an attempt to protect others from the residual damage of being under attack or our weary state. We have a common goal; we will NOT allow Satan to use us or defeat us.
If you are currently out of the boat, here are some things that we have found to help us stay focused on Him:
1. Be VERY purposeful in your daily quiet time. Do not allow anything to interfere with it.
2. Pray without ceasing. In our busy lives, it is difficult to stay focused on having a prayer-filled life. Yet, God gives us so many opportunities to pray, even if just for a short moment. Below are just some small examples of these opportunities
a. When you wash your hands (this will also ensure that you are washing sufficiently to prevent illness)
b. When you are gathering everything you need to start you day (when I’m walking out to my car and putting my son and briefcase in it)
c. Walking from one place to another
d. Before you eat (and not the Thank you for this food prayer)
e. When you’re fixing a meal
3. Pick a verse that you may have already memorized or is easily memorized that helps you remember that you are not it in alone that you can recite when needed (Psalm 23 and Jeremiah 29:11-13 are mine).
4. Confide in your spiritual advisor about your struggles; be specific with areas in which you are in need of encouragement/prayer.
5. Enlist prayer warriors to pray for you (we have huge group of warriors! Thank you!)
6. Find an inspiring song, one that reminds you of God’s greatness that you can play or remember when you are discouraged; our current one is Our God by Chris Tomlin – “If our God is for us, then who can stand against? Our God is greater, our God is stronger…”
God is definitely growing us through our journey and while it is painful and exhausting, we know that as long as we seek Him, He’s got us covered. He has no desire to see us harmed, but we will suffer the consequences if we choose to not follow Him. We choose to follow Him.
We are thankful for our spiritual advisors who are doing everything that they can to help us with our battle armor and for going into battle with us at times. We are also thankful for our prayer warriors, and while they do not know our specific circumstances, they are praying for us.
We look forward to the results of this journey. There is no turning back and our eyes remain focused on prize; Him.
We are officially out of the boat, walking on water towards Him. The waves of doubt, fear and trepidation are all around us. Every now and then we get hit really hard with one of these waves and get knocked over. We struggle to get up and sometimes we fail to get up successfully in a rapid manner. We feel the prayer of others cheering us on. We are very wet and sometimes very cold. At times, we are walking on the water hand in hand. But after a wave knocks one or both of us down, it is a struggle to find each other, pull ourselves up and continue hand in hand. We have forgotten more than once to look for God’s hand to pull us up. We have also forgotten to look at Him and have started to sink. But thankfully, the reminder cheers and guidance of our spiritual advisors and prayer warriors show us the way to His hands.
As we take this journey across the water, we are relying on our faith to get us through. The spiritual attacks to us individually and as a couple are very difficult battles. These attacks at times also include our children. The more we journey, the worse it gets. Satan does not want us to be successful in our journey and is making it very difficult for us. We are already exhausted from the battles, but we press on. We seek God’s will in this journey, obedient to His direction.
While we desire to be transparent in our lives, this journey is one that requires us to walk obediently, with our mouths crying out only to God and to our spiritual advisors. We may withdraw at times from our normal routines in an attempt to protect others from the residual damage of being under attack or our weary state. We have a common goal; we will NOT allow Satan to use us or defeat us.
If you are currently out of the boat, here are some things that we have found to help us stay focused on Him:
1. Be VERY purposeful in your daily quiet time. Do not allow anything to interfere with it.
2. Pray without ceasing. In our busy lives, it is difficult to stay focused on having a prayer-filled life. Yet, God gives us so many opportunities to pray, even if just for a short moment. Below are just some small examples of these opportunities
a. When you wash your hands (this will also ensure that you are washing sufficiently to prevent illness)
b. When you are gathering everything you need to start you day (when I’m walking out to my car and putting my son and briefcase in it)
c. Walking from one place to another
d. Before you eat (and not the Thank you for this food prayer)
e. When you’re fixing a meal
3. Pick a verse that you may have already memorized or is easily memorized that helps you remember that you are not it in alone that you can recite when needed (Psalm 23 and Jeremiah 29:11-13 are mine).
4. Confide in your spiritual advisor about your struggles; be specific with areas in which you are in need of encouragement/prayer.
5. Enlist prayer warriors to pray for you (we have huge group of warriors! Thank you!)
6. Find an inspiring song, one that reminds you of God’s greatness that you can play or remember when you are discouraged; our current one is Our God by Chris Tomlin – “If our God is for us, then who can stand against? Our God is greater, our God is stronger…”
God is definitely growing us through our journey and while it is painful and exhausting, we know that as long as we seek Him, He’s got us covered. He has no desire to see us harmed, but we will suffer the consequences if we choose to not follow Him. We choose to follow Him.
We are thankful for our spiritual advisors who are doing everything that they can to help us with our battle armor and for going into battle with us at times. We are also thankful for our prayer warriors, and while they do not know our specific circumstances, they are praying for us.
We look forward to the results of this journey. There is no turning back and our eyes remain focused on prize; Him.
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