There are times when, as fost-adopt parents, we wonder if we are really having a positive impact on our children. They sometimes fight us every step of the way. But then, we get a glimpse of affirmation. It may be a little thing, but we recognize it and we grab it and display it so that they can realize it too.
We are so proud! Congratulations to Jessica for getting her learner's permit! So proud of Suzy for making honor roll for the first time! And to the child who is currently suffering from "good child sickness" (her quote)' well' mom and dad hope you suffer from this the rest of your teen years!
God is so faithful!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
When is enough, enough?
It was brought to our attention this week that as a couple, we look absolutely crazy at times to the outside world. We thought that everyone in our lives knew that we were still licensed for foster care and available as a home for children needing a home. So, when we announced last week that we were being considered as potential parents for a little boy, they were shocked. So, to all those that we shocked, it was not our intent.
As a couple, we feel that God has placed a desire in our hearts to take kids out of the foster care and help them live up to their full potential. We desire to give them all of the skills that they need to be successful life. We desire to raise them according to God's instructions and pray that they choose to live life according to the scriptures. It is ultimately their choice when they reach adulthood as to whether they choose to remain a part of our family, or find their biological family members and return to them.
The question was asked, isn't four children enough? The answer to this we leave up to God.
We had prayed long and hard for a few months after TJ's adoption was final, as we knew that our foster care license expires in November, 2010, as to whether or not we were going to let it lapse or renew it. We were inactive at the adoption agency from the time of TJ's placement until August (once a child is placed for adoption, you are no longer active for new placements, until the adoption of that placement is final and you then state that you are willing to take a new placement), which is when we decided to go ahead and apply for a renewal and activate our current open beds (we are licensed for 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, ages 0-10). We have an empty bed in TJ's room and one in Jessica' room.
One major consideration is the amount of time that TJ's behavioral issues take. He currently receives in-home therapy. We recently had a horrible episode with him that was attributed to a medication change. He is currently stable and has been released for the next three months from the psychiatrist, unless he has another manic episode. This is a huge blessing.
To be perfectly transparent, we had not thought about our next placement once we had activated our beds. We know that it is in God's hands and we continue to live, one day at a time (our motto). We know that since we already have four children, depending on the CPS case manager, we may never be picked again to have another placement. Our adoption agency can advocate for us, but they have really don't have any pull. It is really out of ours and the adoption agency's hand. So we know that it is in God's hands.
(Just a side note - every other time that we have been picked as a potential placement for a child(ren), we speak with our current children to see what concerns that they would have. That is definitely one thing with our children - they do NOT say what we want to hear. They are very vocal about their (dis)satisfaction with us and living situation at any given moment. And we have said "no" numerous times to a potential placement, based on whether or not we could handle it as a family).
Are there days that we think wow, how did we make it through? How much more can we take? Absolutely! But then, one way or another, God reminds us that we have Him, and as long as we seek Him, He is always there.
Besides God as the ultimate support system, we have a huge support system in place, which we continue to add. We have counselors (for us and our kids), behavioral specialists, hotline phone numbers, doctors, specialists, other experienced foster families, and other specialists. There is no way that we can meet our children's special needs without them, as we are not educated to handle every issue that they have been exposed to. We are grateful for our network of experts, and for all of the prayers of our friends and family. We also have respite care available to us and that is something that we are going to utilize at least once a month to allow us time to be together as a couple just focus on us.
So, where do we go from here? We wait to hear if CPS feels that we are best fit for this little boy that they are looking for a forever family for. If we are, then we will transition him into our family with the assistance of TJ's therapist. Our steps will be cautious, as this placement could temporarily upset TJ's progress. (Another side note - this child is not a substance exposed child and currently has no behavioral issues - that will definitely be a switch for us!).
If we are not chosen, then we will continue as normal (well, what is normal for us), which is one day at a time. There have been several times that we haven't been chosen as the best fit for a placement, so this process is very familiar to us and there will be a few hours of disappointment for the entire family, but we process through it together and press on. We know that it is in God's hands.
“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for a welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
One song that I find encouraging during these "waiting" times, is "While I'm Waiting", which I first heard in the movie, Fireproof.
While I'm Waiting
John Waller
The Blessing
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
As a couple, we feel that God has placed a desire in our hearts to take kids out of the foster care and help them live up to their full potential. We desire to give them all of the skills that they need to be successful life. We desire to raise them according to God's instructions and pray that they choose to live life according to the scriptures. It is ultimately their choice when they reach adulthood as to whether they choose to remain a part of our family, or find their biological family members and return to them.
The question was asked, isn't four children enough? The answer to this we leave up to God.
We had prayed long and hard for a few months after TJ's adoption was final, as we knew that our foster care license expires in November, 2010, as to whether or not we were going to let it lapse or renew it. We were inactive at the adoption agency from the time of TJ's placement until August (once a child is placed for adoption, you are no longer active for new placements, until the adoption of that placement is final and you then state that you are willing to take a new placement), which is when we decided to go ahead and apply for a renewal and activate our current open beds (we are licensed for 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, ages 0-10). We have an empty bed in TJ's room and one in Jessica' room.
One major consideration is the amount of time that TJ's behavioral issues take. He currently receives in-home therapy. We recently had a horrible episode with him that was attributed to a medication change. He is currently stable and has been released for the next three months from the psychiatrist, unless he has another manic episode. This is a huge blessing.
To be perfectly transparent, we had not thought about our next placement once we had activated our beds. We know that it is in God's hands and we continue to live, one day at a time (our motto). We know that since we already have four children, depending on the CPS case manager, we may never be picked again to have another placement. Our adoption agency can advocate for us, but they have really don't have any pull. It is really out of ours and the adoption agency's hand. So we know that it is in God's hands.
(Just a side note - every other time that we have been picked as a potential placement for a child(ren), we speak with our current children to see what concerns that they would have. That is definitely one thing with our children - they do NOT say what we want to hear. They are very vocal about their (dis)satisfaction with us and living situation at any given moment. And we have said "no" numerous times to a potential placement, based on whether or not we could handle it as a family).
Are there days that we think wow, how did we make it through? How much more can we take? Absolutely! But then, one way or another, God reminds us that we have Him, and as long as we seek Him, He is always there.
Besides God as the ultimate support system, we have a huge support system in place, which we continue to add. We have counselors (for us and our kids), behavioral specialists, hotline phone numbers, doctors, specialists, other experienced foster families, and other specialists. There is no way that we can meet our children's special needs without them, as we are not educated to handle every issue that they have been exposed to. We are grateful for our network of experts, and for all of the prayers of our friends and family. We also have respite care available to us and that is something that we are going to utilize at least once a month to allow us time to be together as a couple just focus on us.
So, where do we go from here? We wait to hear if CPS feels that we are best fit for this little boy that they are looking for a forever family for. If we are, then we will transition him into our family with the assistance of TJ's therapist. Our steps will be cautious, as this placement could temporarily upset TJ's progress. (Another side note - this child is not a substance exposed child and currently has no behavioral issues - that will definitely be a switch for us!).
If we are not chosen, then we will continue as normal (well, what is normal for us), which is one day at a time. There have been several times that we haven't been chosen as the best fit for a placement, so this process is very familiar to us and there will be a few hours of disappointment for the entire family, but we process through it together and press on. We know that it is in God's hands.
“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for a welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
One song that I find encouraging during these "waiting" times, is "While I'm Waiting", which I first heard in the movie, Fireproof.
While I'm Waiting
John Waller
The Blessing
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Arms of Love
The other night I went to sleep, but because I have been sick this past week, it was very restless. As is typical of a school principal, Mark was up working late on something or the other and when he came to bed he noticed how restless I was, so he just wrapped his arms around me and (according to him) I settled right now and went into a deep sleep.
He told me the next morning how great it made him feel that I felt at peace when I was in his arms. Although I have no recollection of him coming to bed and holding me, I have no doubt that I responded that way, because I do feel very safe and loved in his arms. What more could I ask for in my relationship with my husband?
A question came the next day when I heard a (very) old song recorded by Amy Grant (yes, she is one of my favorite CCM artists, although I have several favorites), "Arms of Love". The song says, "Like a child who's held throughout a storm, You (speaking of God) keep me warm in Your arms of love" and the next verse says "Wonder just how many storms it takes until I finally know that you're here always". Do I always remember that I am loved and safe in my Heavenly Father's arms?
I'd like to think that I do, but I know that I fail at remembering this more often that I actually remember. These past few days I've been made aware of several sisters in Christ who are really struggling right now, and I pray that they remember that they are always safe in His arms, especially right now when they are going through this trials.
It is my prayer tonight that we all remember that we are always safe! It doesn't mean that we won't pushed to our limits, but He is in control.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU ARE WITH ME; YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME! Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
He told me the next morning how great it made him feel that I felt at peace when I was in his arms. Although I have no recollection of him coming to bed and holding me, I have no doubt that I responded that way, because I do feel very safe and loved in his arms. What more could I ask for in my relationship with my husband?
A question came the next day when I heard a (very) old song recorded by Amy Grant (yes, she is one of my favorite CCM artists, although I have several favorites), "Arms of Love". The song says, "Like a child who's held throughout a storm, You (speaking of God) keep me warm in Your arms of love" and the next verse says "Wonder just how many storms it takes until I finally know that you're here always". Do I always remember that I am loved and safe in my Heavenly Father's arms?
I'd like to think that I do, but I know that I fail at remembering this more often that I actually remember. These past few days I've been made aware of several sisters in Christ who are really struggling right now, and I pray that they remember that they are always safe in His arms, especially right now when they are going through this trials.
It is my prayer tonight that we all remember that we are always safe! It doesn't mean that we won't pushed to our limits, but He is in control.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU ARE WITH ME; YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME! Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
How do you know that God answers your prayers?
How do you know that God answers your prayers? That was a question posed to me recently. And I had search way down inside to form my response. I didn't want to respond with a textbook answer or a typical mom answer. I wanted to show how deeply I know this, even though the person I was talking with does not have a good grasp of the concept of "faith" (or our simple term - walking on the water).
I firmly believe that God answers every prayer (after all, it is biblical). It just may not be the way that we want. But, how do you know? I think the easiest way to see when God answers prayers in with relationships, or more specifically, within people. God has restored many relationships that I have been praying for in a way that was very visible and much more than I could have possible imagined. I gave a few specific examples of my experiences. I'm not sure if the person I was talking to believes this to be true or not still. Unfortunately, two major prayers that this person has been praying have been answered in a way that they do not want and therefore, thinks that their prayers haven't been answered. They have been told "no" and have not accepted this.
God told me "NO" to one of my most recent prayer requests, which was to end the outsourcing issue at my work. I was devastated by the City Council's response to my study that they had asked me to do and gave direction for my executive director to take the next step towards outsourcing us. So, for the last 48 hours I have been diligently working on the Request for Proposal specifications so that a formal bid can be issued. Surprisingly, it came quite easily. Several other cities emailed me some suggestions and their examples as well as other departments within the City. I was so amazed of the support and assistance that I was receiving for myself and my 6 employees. Our executive director came out and met with our entire division, including my employees and allowed me to speak as well and answer their questions. The first draft is done. I need to go back in and add some specific criteria, but the basics are there. I know that God's Will will be done and I realized that this is what my prayer needs to be: That I be accepting of God's Will in this situation and that light of His love and my faith will continue to shine through me and be an example to others.
I firmly believe that God answers every prayer (after all, it is biblical). It just may not be the way that we want. But, how do you know? I think the easiest way to see when God answers prayers in with relationships, or more specifically, within people. God has restored many relationships that I have been praying for in a way that was very visible and much more than I could have possible imagined. I gave a few specific examples of my experiences. I'm not sure if the person I was talking to believes this to be true or not still. Unfortunately, two major prayers that this person has been praying have been answered in a way that they do not want and therefore, thinks that their prayers haven't been answered. They have been told "no" and have not accepted this.
God told me "NO" to one of my most recent prayer requests, which was to end the outsourcing issue at my work. I was devastated by the City Council's response to my study that they had asked me to do and gave direction for my executive director to take the next step towards outsourcing us. So, for the last 48 hours I have been diligently working on the Request for Proposal specifications so that a formal bid can be issued. Surprisingly, it came quite easily. Several other cities emailed me some suggestions and their examples as well as other departments within the City. I was so amazed of the support and assistance that I was receiving for myself and my 6 employees. Our executive director came out and met with our entire division, including my employees and allowed me to speak as well and answer their questions. The first draft is done. I need to go back in and add some specific criteria, but the basics are there. I know that God's Will will be done and I realized that this is what my prayer needs to be: That I be accepting of God's Will in this situation and that light of His love and my faith will continue to shine through me and be an example to others.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Time to Reevaluate
I did the most "un-gold" thing ever recently. I totally forgot that I had jury duty. And I mean totally forgot! (For those of you who haven't had to do "True Colors" my color is gold, which in basic terms means strong rule abider). I got the notice before we went on vacation in July and it was for the week after we came back. The week came and went and I totally spaced it. I didn't even send back the response form. For those of you who know me really well can imagine how devastating that was for me when I did remember and realized what I had done. It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't have a good handle on things.
To make a long story short, my wonderful husband called and found out that my number had been dismissed, so it was no big deal. Well, it was to me. I was completely devastated that I had forgotten something as important as that.
Mark and I talked about the idea that perhaps I needed to slow down a little. I know, DUH! We talked about different possible solutions and came to the realization that perhaps my time with the City of Scottsdale is coming to an end in the near future. That was the one thing that we both felt is something that at some point soon, I may not do anymore. Don't get me wrong, I definitely need to bring some income into our household, especially since we just bought a "bus", but we're both talking a step outside the boat knowing that God has something better in store.
My jury duty slip was definitely a rude awakening and I am SO thankful that there wasn't a warrant out for my arrest. i truly don't know what the consequences would have been, but that is definitely worse case scenario.
I am very much at peace with the realization that God does have a plan in mind and now that the seed has been planted, I look forward to what future job opportunities may come my way. I do not plan on leaving my current employment any time soon. I have made a commitment to see this outsourcing issue to the end and then even if it does go away and I still have a job, I doubt that I will stay past my twenty year mark without searching for something different to do.
We've also decided that if God provided us with any more children (no we are not crazy, but we do have two empty beds and two empty seats in the "bus" that we feel God is leading us to fill), that the decision would definitely be made for us and that I would leave my employment by next July (after I reach the milestone of 20 years) and stay home for awhile and try to find something part-time while the children are in school.
I feel so blessed! I love my supportive husband (although my kids don't think mom hanging more is good idea :-), too bad), I absolutely love my new to me Suburban, and I discovered that Shark Week is not for me (although my kids loved it). I'll leave that to Pastor Luis!
God is good! I can honestly say, I truly love my Heavenly Father and I love my crazy life!
To make a long story short, my wonderful husband called and found out that my number had been dismissed, so it was no big deal. Well, it was to me. I was completely devastated that I had forgotten something as important as that.
Mark and I talked about the idea that perhaps I needed to slow down a little. I know, DUH! We talked about different possible solutions and came to the realization that perhaps my time with the City of Scottsdale is coming to an end in the near future. That was the one thing that we both felt is something that at some point soon, I may not do anymore. Don't get me wrong, I definitely need to bring some income into our household, especially since we just bought a "bus", but we're both talking a step outside the boat knowing that God has something better in store.
My jury duty slip was definitely a rude awakening and I am SO thankful that there wasn't a warrant out for my arrest. i truly don't know what the consequences would have been, but that is definitely worse case scenario.
I am very much at peace with the realization that God does have a plan in mind and now that the seed has been planted, I look forward to what future job opportunities may come my way. I do not plan on leaving my current employment any time soon. I have made a commitment to see this outsourcing issue to the end and then even if it does go away and I still have a job, I doubt that I will stay past my twenty year mark without searching for something different to do.
We've also decided that if God provided us with any more children (no we are not crazy, but we do have two empty beds and two empty seats in the "bus" that we feel God is leading us to fill), that the decision would definitely be made for us and that I would leave my employment by next July (after I reach the milestone of 20 years) and stay home for awhile and try to find something part-time while the children are in school.
I feel so blessed! I love my supportive husband (although my kids don't think mom hanging more is good idea :-), too bad), I absolutely love my new to me Suburban, and I discovered that Shark Week is not for me (although my kids loved it). I'll leave that to Pastor Luis!
God is good! I can honestly say, I truly love my Heavenly Father and I love my crazy life!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Another Mother's Day - Another Reality Check
And this begins year two of my blogging; I began one year ago this week. And it is also another Mother's Day weekend in which I get my once a year HUGE reality check, I am not "mom" to the majority of kids. I was reminded of that last night and this afternoon. Not that I needed to be reminded, but they felt that I did.
This is my first Mother's Day as the mother of four adopted children. TJ is still too little to understand it all, so I'm "mom" to him right now and I'm soaking as much of that in as possible so that during the dry times, I'll still be quenched.
Mark did the typical haul the kids out the store to buy mom a present routine day. One refused to go, which was no surprise. It's a good thing that my skin is pretty thick. I've also learned to be creative; we're having friends over tomorrow evening so that our kids can play, the dads can hang and us moms can go out by ourselves. We're going to celebrate our roles as moms and our friendship!
As I read through my last Mother's Day blog, I was reminded (thanks Carrie!) that God did not invent Mother's Day. All He asked of me is that I raise up my children in His ways. He didn't say that it would be easy all the time or fun. Just that they were a blessing (which mine are!) from Him. I cherish my four blessings and I look forward to spending some time with my mother tomorrow, showing her how much I appreciate all that she did for me and continues to do for me, as well as celebrating with great friends.
I hope that everyone has a great Mother's Day! I am blessed!
This is my first Mother's Day as the mother of four adopted children. TJ is still too little to understand it all, so I'm "mom" to him right now and I'm soaking as much of that in as possible so that during the dry times, I'll still be quenched.
Mark did the typical haul the kids out the store to buy mom a present routine day. One refused to go, which was no surprise. It's a good thing that my skin is pretty thick. I've also learned to be creative; we're having friends over tomorrow evening so that our kids can play, the dads can hang and us moms can go out by ourselves. We're going to celebrate our roles as moms and our friendship!
As I read through my last Mother's Day blog, I was reminded (thanks Carrie!) that God did not invent Mother's Day. All He asked of me is that I raise up my children in His ways. He didn't say that it would be easy all the time or fun. Just that they were a blessing (which mine are!) from Him. I cherish my four blessings and I look forward to spending some time with my mother tomorrow, showing her how much I appreciate all that she did for me and continues to do for me, as well as celebrating with great friends.
I hope that everyone has a great Mother's Day! I am blessed!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Thankful for the little things
I've had the most, not sure how to describe, week. I continue to feel out of sorts, but just keep praying and plugging away. At the end of the week, Satan is still irritating me, but I feel confident that God is protecting me with every step that I take. So, in the quietness of this evening, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for everything that I am thankful for this past week.
I am thankful for:
I am thankful for:
- My heavenly Father (I've felt His presense greatly this week!)
- My loving husband
- My wonderful (yet annoying) children
- That I got to see Clara on Wednesday (our staff meeting was cancelled PTL!) and give her a hug and let her know how much she means to us and how much we will miss her loving husband Tom
- That I appear to have mastered my new washer and dryer
- That my new washer and dryer lessened the amount of laundry this week (or my family didn't dirty as much as they normally do, I'll take it, whatever the reason is!)
- That TJ was only nasty sick for a few hours on Friday
- That Mark was only down for the count sick for 24 hours
- Vanessa had a good week at school
- Suzy had a good week at school
- Jessica is communicating her hopes and dreams to us
- TJ began escalating at the restaurant today when he got something taken away from him and managed to descalate in record time (less than 60 seconds) without having to go outside. We were amazed and can't wait to report this to his behavior therapist
- We held a somewhat successful family meeting this evening to redistribute the chores
- I have amazing friends who pray for me and check in from time to time to remind me that they are praying for me and to see what I need
- Melissa B. who faithfully picks up my produce co-op basket the 1st and 3rd Saturdays of each month for me
- That my first week of my Business Statistics class was fairly easy, thanks to Mark going over some of the terminology with me, thinking I will be calling 1-800-ASK-NATE when it starts getting hard (it's been over 24 years since my college algebra class, which is a prerequisite for this class).
- I got a new medical insurance card and it had Tyler J Eley on it!
- The cooler weather!
I could go on for at least another 30 things, but you get the idea. Although this week has not been the greatest of weeks, I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL FOR! God is Good! and I continue to PRESS ON! (thanks Pastor Gregg for that constant reminder!)
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