Feeling Out Of Sorts

Not having a good day? You're not alone. I'm right there with you! I've been feeling out of sorts since Sunday morning. There are several reasons as to my out-of-sortness, but let's just say that it's life. I try to not let my crazy life get to me, but it has and so now I work through it one step at a time, with a loving family and prayers of friends to help me along the way. I am thankful for the support and prayers that I receive on a daily basis. It is hard to admit that I struggle at times, as I try to hold it all together and be strong. Why? (That's the question my wonderful husband asked me this evening).

That's a good question. God desires that I give Him my worries and fears. He also says that we are to share each other's burdens. Give God my worries and fears. Let others know that I'm struggling and what I need. Not exactly an easy thing to do, especially for me. I am so thankful for the pastor that prayed for (with) me today on the phone. I am so thankful that he realized with what little I told him, that I needed some encouragement.

Life isn't always easy. Satan enjoys messing things up for us and he has definitely gotten to me yesterday and today. Tonight, as I sit here with tears on my face, I am faced with the reality that I can't do it all on my own (a lesson that for some reason I need to be frequently reminded of). I don't even know why I try. My heavenly Father desires that I live my life in the moment and that I trust in Him, knowing that He desires the best for me and that He will help me with whatever comes my way.

So, in my attempt to live my life in the moment and to share with others what I need, I have some things to share:

1. I am committed to enjoy each moment that I have with each one of my children and my spouse. (I've made that statement before, I just need some help in holding me to that).
2. Please pray for us as we work with TJ's doctors and therapist regarding his high level of anxiety and the new medication that he is on for ADHD, as well as his recent diagnosis of CP (please pray that the insurance companies work out who is responsible for what and that we can get some type of physical or occupational therapy for him). The girls have things that they desire that we leave unspoken, but please keep each one of them in prayer.
3. My job - I am in the process of doing an assessment on the possible benefits for outsourcing my division, which could mean that I and my 6 employees would be laid off. Pray that I keep an open mind as I work on finalizing this assessment and that my ethics and values are demonstrated throughout this assessment and final report.

My life may be crazy, but God is right there with me, helping me along with the way. And for that, I am so grateful!

Acronyms, Acronyms, Acronyms

PTSD, ADHD, CP. These are the newest acronyms that describe a sweet little boy that we know and love. The saddest part of it, he's only three and half years old.

We know that God has a plan for his life as well as ours and as we walk this road together, we know that He has his arms wrapped around us, guiding and protecting us along the way.

We are so blessed to have this young man in our lives!

Better Than A Hallelujah?

"Better Than A Hallelujah" This is the title of a new song by Amy Grant. When I heard it for the first time today I didn't understand exactly what that meant. When I heard it for the second time a little later today, I had an Ah Ha moment.

It is actually very simple. God desires that you come to Him when you're having trials and struggles, Actually, He'd much rather have you crying in His arms than singing in the church choir. It's during the tears and comfort that the relationship is strengthened.

In simpler terms... As a parent, would you rather that your child show you that they need you or just compliment you to others and to you? I believe that the majority of us would rather have our children come to us when they are hurting and need us than praising us. This shows a willingness to have a relationship.

I really hope that I can take this concept and use it to help each one of my children go to God when they're struggling instead of suffering on their own. Right now, one of my children is suffering greatly and watching the movie The Blindside tonight increased that suffering. I pray that she will turn to God for help and that she will understand that He wants her to cry to Him.

King David is a great example of someone who both praised and cried out to God. Check out the book of Psalms.

Better Than A Hallelujah... Wish I would have thought to put this concept into words. How great it is to have a wonderful and merciful God who loves it when we cry on Him.

Look up the lyrics, it's a great song!

Looking Forward Instead of Backwards

I find myself always missing the old days. You know, the "good ol' days" when nothing ever seemed to go wrong. But why do they seem so perfect, when back in those days, I was missing the even older days?

This was my oldest teenager's FB status today. How wise her words are. How often do we find ourselves looking back, longing for those days, only to realize that during those times, we were looking back at the earlier days? I know that I sometimes look back. Sometimes it's at stupid stuff (like when I had the MOST AWESOME BATHROOM when we were living in our townhouse instead of the stupid little hole in the wall that we call a bathroom at our house), or when I only worked 8 hours a day and was only responsible for myself (instead of the long hours I work now and supervise 6 people).

Are there things in life that I wish I'd done differently? Of course! Do I have regets? You bet I do! However, I want to finish the race that Christ has asked me to run, and so I will continue to look forward and try not to look back as I press on toward the finish. God sent His Son. To die for us. So that there would be no need to look back. We need to look UP!

This also brings me full circle back to a blog entry that I wrote a little over a month ago. I need to cherish the moments that I have today!

First Responders Respond to Cry for Help

This past Wednesday, we had the "priviledge" of dealing with several first responders. I placed a call for help, got great assistance over the phone, which was then followed up by about thirteen first responders to my house (I was amazed at the huge number! Our street was filled with emergency vehicles, so thankful our neighbors didn't need to leave their homes as that would have been impossible!) Within a matter of four minutes after the initial call for help, our physical needs were being taken care of and everyone was safe and in good hands.

It was so simple!

1. We realized we needed help.
2. We called for help.
3. Immediate instructions were given over the phone.
4. First responders came to our house immediately.
5. Help was provided.
6. Everyone was safe.

It is the same thing when we need help from God.

1. We realize that we can't do it on our own (DUH!, but so easily forgotten)
2. We pray to God for help. (calling for help)
3. We read His word (immediate instructions)
4. We ask others to pray for us as well (first responders)
5. God answers our prayers
6. We are safe in His arms, always.

The experience in dealing with the first responders was awesome and I have nothing but praises to the City of Scottsdale Police Department and Fire Department. Those that we called for prayer and additional assistance during the initial 24 hours of this crisis heard our praises for these first responders. When God helps us, should we not also being singing His praises?

We are also so grateful for our pastoral first responders and for their encouragement and prayers. Their support has been incredible and has helped us tremendously.

While the immediate crisis was handled and over in a matter of hours, the aftermath continues to exist. My facebook status on Friday was "Strength will rise as we wait upon on the Lord and I'm waiting on the Lord as I need strength. Today, I posted Klove radio's Encouraging Word of the Day. "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1 NLT". We have many people praying for us and we definitely feel it and are so thankful. We are in a much better spot today than on Wednesday night and Mark and I have had our strength refilled. We will be continuing to work through this situation over the next few weeks and know that God will be walking with us, guiding us every step of the way.

We are so blessed!

Fishing or Marriage? Which to do?

Twenty years ago today, at exactly 2:02 PM, I was asked a question, "Are you sure that you want to do this, or shall we leave your mother to deal with the crowd and go fishing?" My response, "Let's do this and we'll go fishing real soon dad." At 2:20 PM, I was Mrs. Mark Eley.

My father and I have a very unique relationship. The question that he posed twenty years ago (which he asked after all the bridesmaids were in place and the ring bearer and flower girl were walking down the aisle) is one that we continue to tease each other about to this day. Just last week he even reminded me, "We could have gone fishing". That question was his way of letting me know that if I had any doubts about getting married that he would support me and that I didn't have to go through with it. My happiness was his concern.

As I look back over these past twenty years, there have been moments when fishing sounded like a much better idea than working on my marriage. For anyone who says that marriage is easy, I would be concerned. Marriage is hard, no matter who you are. I am very blessed that both my husband and I are Christians and do not believe in divorce, but we have been to the crossroad of divorce/marriage and seriously looked at our options. We fought our way back and we both agree that our marriage is much stronger because of us being at the crossroads. However, we should have never even come close to there if we had been focused on our marriage instead of our own selfish needs.

We have been through so much in these twenty years of marriage; infertility, significant marital issues, the loss of family members, adopting children, and on and on, and God has been so faithful through it all. We finally figured out that if we focus on God's will for our lives, instead of our wills, it is so much easier.

Tonight, while we were on our way to dinner (Monti's, my favorite mommy daddy only restaurant), I asked Mark if he would promise that these next twenty years would not be as hard as these first twenty. He laughed and reminded me that we were now getting ready to enter a new phase of our lives, as soon Jessica will be leaving, then one by one our children will be leaving, starting their own families and then we'll have all of those stressers. But, as long as we focus on God, we can do ALL THINGS, as He strengthens us.

Thank you God, for my patient husband Mark and help us to continue to keep our eyes focused on You and that we will continue to press on and finish the race. Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary to Us!

If you are struggling in your marriage, please know that we are praying for you. Let us know if we can do anything to help you.

Cherish the Time I Have Left

These past few days that I have been home on vacation, I've come to scary realization. My eldest baby is growing up and we are running out of Christmases in which she will still be living with us. Where did the time go?

Her boyfriend of almost six months is here in town on PTAD until January 3rd and has been spending as much time as he can with her. He's a wonderful young man and he treats her very well; it's just really hard to see her dating someone. He also outdid the husbands this year on Christmas morning. He gave her three different small rocks that he had written "I Love You" on. These will be something that she will treasure, especially during the long stretches that they're apart. Where did the time go?

As Tyler opened his presents this year, his first Christmas with us, I couldn't help but recall each one of my child's first Christmases with us. Jessica was 5 months old, and she managed to get sick on Christmas morning. She slept on a blanket next to the Christmas Tree. Vanessa was just 8 years old and had been living with us for 5 months. She was amazed at our traditions and really enjoyed our Advent story every night. She was a little nervous on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but was pleased with everything that we did. Suzanne was also 8 year olds and had been living with us for 6 months when her first Christmas with us arrived (last year). She went along with the flow of things and was only slightly nervous on Christmas Eve. She was in awe over how many presents she had to open (we had a significant number of presents for all of children donated to us for Christmas since we were foster parents; we were very blessed).

As they opened their gifts one at a time, I couldn't help but feel a little sad, as I realized that one by one, they would all be leaving home and starting their own family traditions. I also realized that as boyfriends, husbands, etc. begin to join our family (as well as adding more children through adoption), there may not always been enough room to have a formal sit-down breakfast. We figured out a way to have 20 people cozily sit down for breakfast, but we'll have to resort to paper plates and plastic utensils, or have two sets of different style dishes and silverware. I'll also need to get up a lot early to make enough food! This year there were 11 people for breakfast.

So, after feeling melancholy for a few moments, I made a resolution. To enjoy what little time that I have left with them and cherish the moments that arise that I'm able to spend quality time with each one of them. I've decided that these next few days that I'm off that I'm not going to focus on what I want to do (scrapbook), but look for opportunities to spend time one on one with each one of my children. Today, I took an opportunity to spend a few moments with Jessica and I helped her clean her room. We were able to laugh together about some of the strange things that we found in her room and tease each other about our definitions of "clean". Amazing how dissimiliar these definitions were!

This week is flying by, and I'm sadden by this, but I'm going to make the most of the time I have left.

(I have to share this right now, Jessica, the boyfriend, Suzy, and TJ are all in the kitchen with TJ and Suzy singing Christmas carols quite loudly to the teenagers while Jessica makes the boyfriend dinner; couldn't ask for anything more!)

God has blessed me with a wonderful family and I need to make sure that I am cherishing it. Next week Mark and I will be celebrating our twentieth wedding anniversary and I am extending my resolution to include him also. I want to cherish the people that God has given me as my family.