Sunday, May 22, 2011

God is in control... of this control freak!

The majority of you who read this will realize that the following statement is not a new revelation for you. "I am a control freak!" Even though I am so thankful that I am not in control of my life and that GOD IS, I am still a control freak. I have proof that God provides for me, when I can't see a way. Yet still, I get frustrated, annoyed, upset, slightly emotional (okay Dr. Eley - stop laughing...) REALLY emotional and the list goes on.

In early April in my blog, I posted that I did not have the financial aid to complete my required credits to attain my bachelor's degree. Well, due to my newly status of "unemployed", I was granted additional financial aid (after submitting a significant amount of red tape paperwork). I recall being so upset with the school for getting my hopes up about being done and the tears of coming this far and not being able to finish. So, I walked graduation a couple of weeks ago and I am now preparing to finish up my degree. Silly me for getting all worked up!

My health has been another area where I wish that I was in control. Ever since I had pneumonia in April of 09, I have struggled with asthma. Doing breathing treatments several times a day has been very frustrating. The doctor was able to find the right combination of inhalers and allergy medicine and I am no longer taking daily breathing treatments, only when I need them. One thing that Mark and I knew had the potential to improve my health even more was to replace the carpet with tile. And our existing tile was horrible, so we would need to do the entire house. Sigh. Big $$$$.

Well, after our puppy made sure that our carpet was beyond help, a roll-off dumpster appeared and Mark (with a little help from my dad and I) pulled up the carpet and he pulled up all of the tile. Now what, I thought? We decided to meet with a tile contractor so I called them and they met me the same day. Five days later, new tile installation began. God provided the funding through my vacation pay-out at work.

All 2,000 square feet of furniture and everything else is now either in my backyard or the pod that sits in my driveway. The majority of my family is living in a 400 sq. ft. hotel room next door to my parents house, where our oldest daughter is staying. I'm thinking that I should have traded with her :-).

I am very much a home body. This hotel living is not for me. While I am enjoying time in the pool with my children, I would much rather be home. Right now, my two boys are sleeping on a sofa sleeper and they are literally on top of each other. It's fun watching Mark trying to untangle them without waking them up. Suzy and Vanessa are sharing a bed in our room and they are shoving and kicking each other all night. It's only been 4 nights, today is night 5, but I'm so done with this. However, I know that God is teaching me patience through this process (why He thinks I need this lesson AGAIN! I do not know).

Lessons learned these past few weeks:

1. I have little faith at times in God's willingness to provide me my wants; not just my needs (I want to finish college).
2. God always provides my needs (I have a roof over my head and I am with my family, albeit it really small).
3. At times I really do need assistance, as I can't do it all (another blog needed to explain just this lesson).
4. I can pack up my entire house in less than 5 days (without the kitchen).
5. We have a lot of books! (25 boxes worth!).
6. Installing 2,000 square feet of tile takes about a week; with no furniture or people living there.
7. I am loved!

My wonderful husband has the patience of a saint to put up with my emotional roller coasters as I attempt to achieve some sense of sanity in this insane world we live in. God is constantly teaching me that He too has patience with me and that He is ALWAYS faithful.

Chris Tomlin's newest song, I Will Lift My Hands Up, has really spoken to me.

Here is the chorus:

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

The new phase of my life is not an easy one and these words remind me that no matter what, He is faithful. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

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