It has been over a year since I left my employment of almost twenty years. I hadn't stopped by my former office since I attended my former boss' retirement party in December until Friday. I walked into the satelite maintenance shop that I turned down the opportunity to manage (instead I chose to be a stay at home mom) and for the first time, I felt no pangs of regrets. It was great to see a former employee and several others that I had worked closely with and to catch up on their lives and work life, but I no longer felt like I was missing out on something. A former co-worker (Jim - whom I had confided in when I left about my insecurities of being a stay at home mom) commented that he had never seen me look so happy and I was much more confident than when I had left. We had often spoke of our faith in Christ and he knew that I was following the path that God was leading me, but he also knew that it was scary for me because it was an unknown. If you had told me at my farewell party that I was going to be a foster mom to four children ages 0 to 3 at the same time I would have told you that is crazy. I guess I'm the crazy one!
It was great to go back and feel so reaffirmed that my decision to leave was the right one. Of course it was the right decision since the Lord was leading me, but I felt guilty for feeling affirmation on Friday when I knew fourteen months ago that I was making the right decision and following God's will for my life. Well, I decided that Satan is really good at planting seeds of doubts, so I have made sure that the seeds haven't grown into anything and I move along.
One thing I did share with Jim was that my new adventure was much harder than anything else I had ever done, including my last project that I had worked so hard (saving everyone's job from being outsourced). I shed many a tear and smile many smiles within minutes of each other and I get very little sleep, but I am so glad that I have chosen to continue to follow Christ. "Better than a Hallelujah" is currently playing in the background and reminds me of a previous blog that I had written and it rings even more true today. I spend quite a bit of time praying and crying out to God to help me and the children that He has blessed me with. They each come with their own unique struggles, challenges and rewards. In a heated discussion with one of them last week they pointed out that they did not ask for this life with us and I remarked back that I didn't ask for the current situation with them either, but they corrected me and stated that yes I did because I had asked God for children. So true, so I ate those words.
Tonight was one of those frustrating nights (as the bedtime routine usually is - maybe because I can't wait to sing the "Halleluah Chorus" once the eight children are all in bed??) as the boys' room was a total disaster and they couldn't find the three year old's pj bottoms and they were fighting which in turn was frustrating the older girls and I was trying to put the babies to bed and of course the little baby was crying and had to be changed (again!), so I sent daddy in to deal with the boys after I had discovered that the three year old had taken a squirt bottle and sprayed the entire bathroom mirror with water. He came out later and reminded me that the boys are hard now but that they would be easier than girls when they reached adolescence. However, we have girls in the adolescence stage and boys in the hard stage so life is challenging at times, but this too shall pass. Too fast.
Way too fast, as I await the birth of my first grandchild this week from our oldest. So, what I have I learned this past year? That time passes too fast, we never have what we feel is enough time with our children and that no matter what happens, God is in control and I need to stop trying to control my life and just enjoy all that I have been blessed with! It is hard to believe that it has been thirteen months since I stopped getting a paycheck from the City of Scottsdale but I am blessed with the new purpose that Christ has led me!
We ask for prayers this week as Jessica prepares to give birth to her first child, a son and for us as we travel with our children to San Diego to see her, Corbin and baby boy Crawford. We have never traveled with all eight of them (we did 7 once but it was less than 1/2 the distance to San Diego) but we are up for the challenge.