It May Be Crazy, But It's My Life and I'm Loving It!

God is enough; God is enough. I've been having to say that a lot today.

Phoenix Children's Hospital is going to be a place that I am going to become very familar with over these next two months. TJ is going in for an MRI on his brain to see if he is actually having seizures (it could be what we're seeing is a coping mechanism; crossing our fingers) and an MRI on his lumbar to check for some gastro. issues. Unfortunately, due to his young age, it will require sedation. YIKES! I don't want my baby under sedation! But, we need to get to the bottom of things, so, I'm out of the boat, walking on the water towards Jesus with my head held high. Everything was scheduled today and he goes in on September 1st; check-in time is 1:00 PM, he is scheduled at 2:00 PM.

As if that wasn't enough of a hassle today trying to get two different departments to schedule their tests at the same time on the same day for TJ's MRIs (which I was successful at!), Mark and I took Vanessa to her regularly scheduled orthopedic surgeon's appointment to see how her scoliosis is doing (she has been wearing a back brace for over a year now). Now, we are not in denial, we have been keeping mental track of how well she has been responding to the treatment and the fact that with each visit the curvation is steadily increasing instead of staying the same, has prepared us for the slight possibility that the brace is not working.

Well, the visit went as we expected, not hoped. Her curvature is significantly worse since the last visit (up 4 degrees) and she is now well within the recommended surgery range for spinal fusion. YIKES squared! What that means is they are going to go in and put pins and rods in the upper part of her spine to straighten her spine out. Her surgery has been scheduled for Monday, October 5th at Phoenix Children's Hospital at 7 AM; check-in time at 5 AM. She will be in ICU for at least the first twenty fours, her stay will be from 4 to 7 days. She will miss about 3 months of school and it will take her a full year to recover (she won't be able to lift anything over 5 pounds for an entire year). Phoenix Children's Hospital has a great spinal fusion program; we get to tour the hospital ahead of time and she will be able to see all the different machines that she will be on and having to use, as well as be able to ask any questions that she may, as well as us being able to ask questions. I will also be able to stay with her during her entire stay (they even have a washer and dryer for families to use!).

So, that is just a portion of my crazy life today. There is the depressed sixteen year old (her marine boyfriend headed back to Camp Pendleton for 3 weeks of MT training and then he will going to Randolph Air Force Base in TX for more training). Not happy about the age difference, he is very nice young man, just think that she is way too young to be thinking that he is her future.

I was trying to get a paper done for school, but the on-line library database won't let me open up any pdf files, so I gave up for the evening. It has allowed me the opportunity to rethink my day and start planning how I am going to manage to get everyone where they need to be and cared for while I'm at the hospital during Vanessa's entire stay. In the quietness, I was reminded that in troubled waters God is there.

Did I mention that after the orthopedic surgeon appointment we had to rush home to meet TJ's home therapist and CPS case manager? They stayed over an hour and were very supportive of not only TJ but of our situation with Vanessa and they both spent time talking to all the kids about things that they have seen with TJ and how having him around has affected them. It was great that they see us a family unit, not just TJ and mom. They are both so excited to see how much he has progressed since he was removed from his previous foster placement and how much his emergency receiving placement and we've been able to do for him. It was at his emergency receiving placement that he finally started interacting and talking and now that he's with us, he's non-stop chatter and go!

As I told TJ's team tonight, this is my crazy life, I love my children and I love my husband and I wouldn't have it any other way. The reason why I wouldn't have it any other way is that I have full confidence in knowing that God is Enough. He has my back, and everything else. I am blessed.

God is Enough, Really!

Today was a great day! Sure, I had the normal "I hate you" attitude (she didn't say it aloud but the way her head was spinning and the smoke rising, it was easy to tell that was what she was thinking) from one our children before they walked out the door the school. Not the way I like our mornings starting out, especially as they are leaving for school. I feel sorry for the first person they encounter along their journey from our house to school, which is Ms. Janette, our wonderful crossing guard!

But, it was still a great day! I came to this conclusion after I had cried about this "beautiful" interaction with one of my daughters, to another daughter (and was shocked that she felt I handled it quite well) and had started my day at work by glancing at all of my friends' Facebook updated statuses. I do this every morning via my blackberry while I'm waiting for my work computer to log me on and load up my email so that I can start my daily ritual of putting out the fires that occurred from the time I left until we closed at 2 AM. As I was glancing through them, one caught my eye. It was from my favorite Christian music composer. His status was:

"IF GOD IS ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH, BECAUSE YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE GOD."

Thanks Michael for this reminder! He is enough for me! It is with this great reminder that I was able to put aside my grief and focus on my tasks at hand and go through my extremely crazy day that ended up with back to back meetings the entire day that all but one was a walk-in. So I got very little work done, but I survived without being the slightest bit stressed (which is NOT my norm on days this like).

I am focusing on that and remembering not to be disappointed or frustrated in the things that I don't have (and really, really want, puhleez!). God is enough and even at this moment I cling to that. We found out today that we are possibly expecting (the way us fost-adopt families do it) and we will know in three weeks whether or not we are going to have a new addition to our family sometime this summer. I won't be disappointed if this child is not ours when the decision is made as to which family best meets this child's needs. God is enough!