This past Wednesday, we had the "priviledge" of dealing with several first responders. I placed a call for help, got great assistance over the phone, which was then followed up by about thirteen first responders to my house (I was amazed at the huge number! Our street was filled with emergency vehicles, so thankful our neighbors didn't need to leave their homes as that would have been impossible!) Within a matter of four minutes after the initial call for help, our physical needs were being taken care of and everyone was safe and in good hands.
It was so simple!
1. We realized we needed help.
2. We called for help.
3. Immediate instructions were given over the phone.
4. First responders came to our house immediately.
5. Help was provided.
6. Everyone was safe.
It is the same thing when we need help from God.
1. We realize that we can't do it on our own (DUH!, but so easily forgotten)
2. We pray to God for help. (calling for help)
3. We read His word (immediate instructions)
4. We ask others to pray for us as well (first responders)
5. God answers our prayers
6. We are safe in His arms, always.
The experience in dealing with the first responders was awesome and I have nothing but praises to the City of Scottsdale Police Department and Fire Department. Those that we called for prayer and additional assistance during the initial 24 hours of this crisis heard our praises for these first responders. When God helps us, should we not also being singing His praises?
We are also so grateful for our pastoral first responders and for their encouragement and prayers. Their support has been incredible and has helped us tremendously.
While the immediate crisis was handled and over in a matter of hours, the aftermath continues to exist. My facebook status on Friday was "Strength will rise as we wait upon on the Lord and I'm waiting on the Lord as I need strength. Today, I posted Klove radio's Encouraging Word of the Day. "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1 NLT". We have many people praying for us and we definitely feel it and are so thankful. We are in a much better spot today than on Wednesday night and Mark and I have had our strength refilled. We will be continuing to work through this situation over the next few weeks and know that God will be walking with us, guiding us every step of the way.
We are so blessed!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Fishing or Marriage? Which to do?
Twenty years ago today, at exactly 2:02 PM, I was asked a question, "Are you sure that you want to do this, or shall we leave your mother to deal with the crowd and go fishing?" My response, "Let's do this and we'll go fishing real soon dad." At 2:20 PM, I was Mrs. Mark Eley.
My father and I have a very unique relationship. The question that he posed twenty years ago (which he asked after all the bridesmaids were in place and the ring bearer and flower girl were walking down the aisle) is one that we continue to tease each other about to this day. Just last week he even reminded me, "We could have gone fishing". That question was his way of letting me know that if I had any doubts about getting married that he would support me and that I didn't have to go through with it. My happiness was his concern.
As I look back over these past twenty years, there have been moments when fishing sounded like a much better idea than working on my marriage. For anyone who says that marriage is easy, I would be concerned. Marriage is hard, no matter who you are. I am very blessed that both my husband and I are Christians and do not believe in divorce, but we have been to the crossroad of divorce/marriage and seriously looked at our options. We fought our way back and we both agree that our marriage is much stronger because of us being at the crossroads. However, we should have never even come close to there if we had been focused on our marriage instead of our own selfish needs.
We have been through so much in these twenty years of marriage; infertility, significant marital issues, the loss of family members, adopting children, and on and on, and God has been so faithful through it all. We finally figured out that if we focus on God's will for our lives, instead of our wills, it is so much easier.
Tonight, while we were on our way to dinner (Monti's, my favorite mommy daddy only restaurant), I asked Mark if he would promise that these next twenty years would not be as hard as these first twenty. He laughed and reminded me that we were now getting ready to enter a new phase of our lives, as soon Jessica will be leaving, then one by one our children will be leaving, starting their own families and then we'll have all of those stressers. But, as long as we focus on God, we can do ALL THINGS, as He strengthens us.
Thank you God, for my patient husband Mark and help us to continue to keep our eyes focused on You and that we will continue to press on and finish the race. Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary to Us!
If you are struggling in your marriage, please know that we are praying for you. Let us know if we can do anything to help you.
My father and I have a very unique relationship. The question that he posed twenty years ago (which he asked after all the bridesmaids were in place and the ring bearer and flower girl were walking down the aisle) is one that we continue to tease each other about to this day. Just last week he even reminded me, "We could have gone fishing". That question was his way of letting me know that if I had any doubts about getting married that he would support me and that I didn't have to go through with it. My happiness was his concern.
As I look back over these past twenty years, there have been moments when fishing sounded like a much better idea than working on my marriage. For anyone who says that marriage is easy, I would be concerned. Marriage is hard, no matter who you are. I am very blessed that both my husband and I are Christians and do not believe in divorce, but we have been to the crossroad of divorce/marriage and seriously looked at our options. We fought our way back and we both agree that our marriage is much stronger because of us being at the crossroads. However, we should have never even come close to there if we had been focused on our marriage instead of our own selfish needs.
We have been through so much in these twenty years of marriage; infertility, significant marital issues, the loss of family members, adopting children, and on and on, and God has been so faithful through it all. We finally figured out that if we focus on God's will for our lives, instead of our wills, it is so much easier.
Tonight, while we were on our way to dinner (Monti's, my favorite mommy daddy only restaurant), I asked Mark if he would promise that these next twenty years would not be as hard as these first twenty. He laughed and reminded me that we were now getting ready to enter a new phase of our lives, as soon Jessica will be leaving, then one by one our children will be leaving, starting their own families and then we'll have all of those stressers. But, as long as we focus on God, we can do ALL THINGS, as He strengthens us.
Thank you God, for my patient husband Mark and help us to continue to keep our eyes focused on You and that we will continue to press on and finish the race. Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary to Us!
If you are struggling in your marriage, please know that we are praying for you. Let us know if we can do anything to help you.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Cherish the Time I Have Left
These past few days that I have been home on vacation, I've come to scary realization. My eldest baby is growing up and we are running out of Christmases in which she will still be living with us. Where did the time go?
Her boyfriend of almost six months is here in town on PTAD until January 3rd and has been spending as much time as he can with her. He's a wonderful young man and he treats her very well; it's just really hard to see her dating someone. He also outdid the husbands this year on Christmas morning. He gave her three different small rocks that he had written "I Love You" on. These will be something that she will treasure, especially during the long stretches that they're apart. Where did the time go?
As Tyler opened his presents this year, his first Christmas with us, I couldn't help but recall each one of my child's first Christmases with us. Jessica was 5 months old, and she managed to get sick on Christmas morning. She slept on a blanket next to the Christmas Tree. Vanessa was just 8 years old and had been living with us for 5 months. She was amazed at our traditions and really enjoyed our Advent story every night. She was a little nervous on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but was pleased with everything that we did. Suzanne was also 8 year olds and had been living with us for 6 months when her first Christmas with us arrived (last year). She went along with the flow of things and was only slightly nervous on Christmas Eve. She was in awe over how many presents she had to open (we had a significant number of presents for all of children donated to us for Christmas since we were foster parents; we were very blessed).
As they opened their gifts one at a time, I couldn't help but feel a little sad, as I realized that one by one, they would all be leaving home and starting their own family traditions. I also realized that as boyfriends, husbands, etc. begin to join our family (as well as adding more children through adoption), there may not always been enough room to have a formal sit-down breakfast. We figured out a way to have 20 people cozily sit down for breakfast, but we'll have to resort to paper plates and plastic utensils, or have two sets of different style dishes and silverware. I'll also need to get up a lot early to make enough food! This year there were 11 people for breakfast.
So, after feeling melancholy for a few moments, I made a resolution. To enjoy what little time that I have left with them and cherish the moments that arise that I'm able to spend quality time with each one of them. I've decided that these next few days that I'm off that I'm not going to focus on what I want to do (scrapbook), but look for opportunities to spend time one on one with each one of my children. Today, I took an opportunity to spend a few moments with Jessica and I helped her clean her room. We were able to laugh together about some of the strange things that we found in her room and tease each other about our definitions of "clean". Amazing how dissimiliar these definitions were!
This week is flying by, and I'm sadden by this, but I'm going to make the most of the time I have left.
(I have to share this right now, Jessica, the boyfriend, Suzy, and TJ are all in the kitchen with TJ and Suzy singing Christmas carols quite loudly to the teenagers while Jessica makes the boyfriend dinner; couldn't ask for anything more!)
God has blessed me with a wonderful family and I need to make sure that I am cherishing it. Next week Mark and I will be celebrating our twentieth wedding anniversary and I am extending my resolution to include him also. I want to cherish the people that God has given me as my family.
Her boyfriend of almost six months is here in town on PTAD until January 3rd and has been spending as much time as he can with her. He's a wonderful young man and he treats her very well; it's just really hard to see her dating someone. He also outdid the husbands this year on Christmas morning. He gave her three different small rocks that he had written "I Love You" on. These will be something that she will treasure, especially during the long stretches that they're apart. Where did the time go?
As Tyler opened his presents this year, his first Christmas with us, I couldn't help but recall each one of my child's first Christmases with us. Jessica was 5 months old, and she managed to get sick on Christmas morning. She slept on a blanket next to the Christmas Tree. Vanessa was just 8 years old and had been living with us for 5 months. She was amazed at our traditions and really enjoyed our Advent story every night. She was a little nervous on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but was pleased with everything that we did. Suzanne was also 8 year olds and had been living with us for 6 months when her first Christmas with us arrived (last year). She went along with the flow of things and was only slightly nervous on Christmas Eve. She was in awe over how many presents she had to open (we had a significant number of presents for all of children donated to us for Christmas since we were foster parents; we were very blessed).
As they opened their gifts one at a time, I couldn't help but feel a little sad, as I realized that one by one, they would all be leaving home and starting their own family traditions. I also realized that as boyfriends, husbands, etc. begin to join our family (as well as adding more children through adoption), there may not always been enough room to have a formal sit-down breakfast. We figured out a way to have 20 people cozily sit down for breakfast, but we'll have to resort to paper plates and plastic utensils, or have two sets of different style dishes and silverware. I'll also need to get up a lot early to make enough food! This year there were 11 people for breakfast.
So, after feeling melancholy for a few moments, I made a resolution. To enjoy what little time that I have left with them and cherish the moments that arise that I'm able to spend quality time with each one of them. I've decided that these next few days that I'm off that I'm not going to focus on what I want to do (scrapbook), but look for opportunities to spend time one on one with each one of my children. Today, I took an opportunity to spend a few moments with Jessica and I helped her clean her room. We were able to laugh together about some of the strange things that we found in her room and tease each other about our definitions of "clean". Amazing how dissimiliar these definitions were!
This week is flying by, and I'm sadden by this, but I'm going to make the most of the time I have left.
(I have to share this right now, Jessica, the boyfriend, Suzy, and TJ are all in the kitchen with TJ and Suzy singing Christmas carols quite loudly to the teenagers while Jessica makes the boyfriend dinner; couldn't ask for anything more!)
God has blessed me with a wonderful family and I need to make sure that I am cherishing it. Next week Mark and I will be celebrating our twentieth wedding anniversary and I am extending my resolution to include him also. I want to cherish the people that God has given me as my family.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Back in the Saddle Again!
After almost 5 weeks off of work, I headed back to work last Monday. I left Vanessa in the very capable hands of herself, her older sister, and my parents stayed with them two days (they have the Tuesday and Thursday shifts which is also when Vanessa's homebound teacher comes over). It was hard to leave that first day, but I do believe that the three of us (Jessica, Vanessa, and I) were ready for a break from each other.
God has been the great provider to us. He provided peace during the time of chaos in our lives, provided comfort when I felt that I was not able to do anything else, and He restored Vanessa's health much quicker than we could ever imagine.
To say that Vanessa is doing very well on her road to recovery is an understatement. She is anxious to get back to school, but she still needs to be released by the doctor. I suspect that she'll be back to school by December. She is slowly building her strength and stamina back up, however, her incision is not healing as well as it should be. We have two areas that are of concern. I took her back to the doctor just to have it looked at last week and he agreed that these two spots were not healing like he would expect. We are now working at trying to keep any infection at bay. We're cleaning it, keeping triple antibiotic ointment on it, and covered at all times. So far, so good. She goes back to the doctor next Wednesday for a full examine (this one was just an incision check that I had called and requested). I am hoping at this visit he will be able to clarify exactly what Vanessa's limitations are and to help her understand these. It will take a full year for her recovery and she will have some limitations during this time.
As far as work goes, my employees did great while I was gone and I believe that they were glad to have me back. I say were because I have come back with a new perspective on work and my expectations for them. I had quite of bit of time to think upon the challenges that are facing us at work while I was off and tomorrow I will be raising the bar for them. The feedback I've gotten from them so far these past few days is "do we get college credit for going back to school?" I've given them several assignments that we will be discussing at our staff meeting tomorrow. I don't think that they are looking forward to this. Especially since one of their assignments was to give me their definition on Customer Service as it relates to their job. It's going to fun, at least, I think it is. I'm trying to keep it positive as I work to position us into a place where no one can compete with how well we do our jobs so if (when) the time comes for us to defend our work, we will be ready.
While I am "Back in the Saddle" at work, I'm still needing to balance work, school, home, etc. and I just haven't been able to find my "rhythm" again (yet). I also managed to get TJ's cold and that wiped me out for three days. I rarely call into work sick, especially on a Monday, yet I had to this week. The children enjoyed the three days that mommy didn't have a voice. We're praying that Vanessa doesn't get it. We are trying to keep her as healthy as possible by limiting her exposure to others. Fortunately for us, TJ stays away from her right now for the most part, so I'm the only one so far who caught the cold he brought home from preschool.
We are working through TJ's continuing medical/psychological issues, which have all of us very frustrated. He does have a diagnosis now, anxiety, but at this point, only time will help. That, and us being consistent and loving him. It is so sad to me that a barely three year old could suffer from anxiety. He had a very rotten start in life and I really wish that all of this love that everyone in this family pours onto him would make it all better (NOW, PLEASE!). But, patience is required (darn it! Here we go again, Lord, trying to teach me patience. I thought that I had already had this lesson!). We hired an attorney to assist us in the adoption paperwork, so we're hopeful to have his adoption finalized in early Spring. We have many issues to work through before the adoption is finalized to make sure that he has all of the support in place that he needs to continue dealing with his medical/psychological issues once he's officially ours.
As we look forward, we are so blessed as a family and are looking forward to spending time with extended family over these next several weeks.
God has been the great provider to us. He provided peace during the time of chaos in our lives, provided comfort when I felt that I was not able to do anything else, and He restored Vanessa's health much quicker than we could ever imagine.
To say that Vanessa is doing very well on her road to recovery is an understatement. She is anxious to get back to school, but she still needs to be released by the doctor. I suspect that she'll be back to school by December. She is slowly building her strength and stamina back up, however, her incision is not healing as well as it should be. We have two areas that are of concern. I took her back to the doctor just to have it looked at last week and he agreed that these two spots were not healing like he would expect. We are now working at trying to keep any infection at bay. We're cleaning it, keeping triple antibiotic ointment on it, and covered at all times. So far, so good. She goes back to the doctor next Wednesday for a full examine (this one was just an incision check that I had called and requested). I am hoping at this visit he will be able to clarify exactly what Vanessa's limitations are and to help her understand these. It will take a full year for her recovery and she will have some limitations during this time.
As far as work goes, my employees did great while I was gone and I believe that they were glad to have me back. I say were because I have come back with a new perspective on work and my expectations for them. I had quite of bit of time to think upon the challenges that are facing us at work while I was off and tomorrow I will be raising the bar for them. The feedback I've gotten from them so far these past few days is "do we get college credit for going back to school?" I've given them several assignments that we will be discussing at our staff meeting tomorrow. I don't think that they are looking forward to this. Especially since one of their assignments was to give me their definition on Customer Service as it relates to their job. It's going to fun, at least, I think it is. I'm trying to keep it positive as I work to position us into a place where no one can compete with how well we do our jobs so if (when) the time comes for us to defend our work, we will be ready.
While I am "Back in the Saddle" at work, I'm still needing to balance work, school, home, etc. and I just haven't been able to find my "rhythm" again (yet). I also managed to get TJ's cold and that wiped me out for three days. I rarely call into work sick, especially on a Monday, yet I had to this week. The children enjoyed the three days that mommy didn't have a voice. We're praying that Vanessa doesn't get it. We are trying to keep her as healthy as possible by limiting her exposure to others. Fortunately for us, TJ stays away from her right now for the most part, so I'm the only one so far who caught the cold he brought home from preschool.
We are working through TJ's continuing medical/psychological issues, which have all of us very frustrated. He does have a diagnosis now, anxiety, but at this point, only time will help. That, and us being consistent and loving him. It is so sad to me that a barely three year old could suffer from anxiety. He had a very rotten start in life and I really wish that all of this love that everyone in this family pours onto him would make it all better (NOW, PLEASE!). But, patience is required (darn it! Here we go again, Lord, trying to teach me patience. I thought that I had already had this lesson!). We hired an attorney to assist us in the adoption paperwork, so we're hopeful to have his adoption finalized in early Spring. We have many issues to work through before the adoption is finalized to make sure that he has all of the support in place that he needs to continue dealing with his medical/psychological issues once he's officially ours.
As we look forward, we are so blessed as a family and are looking forward to spending time with extended family over these next several weeks.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
"I want to be a Clone"
I WANT TO BE CLONE is a Steve Taylor (contemporary Christian artist) song back when I was in high school (over way too many years ago). It has been forever since I heard the song, but this past week, I kept saying it over and over, as I actually felt like I needed a clone of me. I was struggling with the realization that I was unable to be in two places at once, yet I needed to be.
As I was driving home from St. Joseph's Hospital Sunday night after leaving Vanessa's side, where I had been for the past 36 hours (with a 4 hour break), my heart was breaking and my tears were flowing. I desperately wanted to stay by her side and care for you (daddy was staying with her), because, after all, care-giving is what us moms do best. However, during my 4 hour break at home that afternoon, I had spent some time consoling TJ after he awoke from his nap to find me home and he started crying "My mommy, my mommy". He even got really angry while I was holding him and rocking him and he climbed out of my lap, went into his closet and closed one side of it, screaming "I want my mommy". My absence from home in 36 hour stretches was taking its toll on him. He had also regressed in some other behaviors as well.
I knew my going home for that Sunday night was what TJ, Jessica and Suzy needed, but Vanessa needed me too. I had hit that infamous wall of sheer exhaustion and emotional wailing. As I was ending my nearly 25 minute drive home, I suddenly felt at peace. I had been listening to KLove radio and a song (that I now can't remember what it was) was very comforting, reminding me that God is always here, taking care of my needs. As always, the encouragement that I was needing was given. My tank was empty and God filled it again. All I needed to do was ask (which was what I had been doing through the tears as I was driving home).
Vanessa is now home and yet I still struggle with not being able to meet all of my childrens' needs as she requires a lot of care. I am still exhausted, but thankful that at least everyone is under the same roof now. It has been awesome having the meals continue to come each night (I was finally able to begin enjoying them, as I was eating at the hospital each dinner time) so that I can focus on my family and not have to worry about the meal planning and fixing.
I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family who have surrounded us in prayer during this very difficult time. Vanessa is in a lot of discomfort and pain and my heart breaks every time she is crying or frustrated about not being able to do hardly anything for herself, but we know with each passing day, her body will continue to heal. God has been so good and faithful to us.
As I was driving home from St. Joseph's Hospital Sunday night after leaving Vanessa's side, where I had been for the past 36 hours (with a 4 hour break), my heart was breaking and my tears were flowing. I desperately wanted to stay by her side and care for you (daddy was staying with her), because, after all, care-giving is what us moms do best. However, during my 4 hour break at home that afternoon, I had spent some time consoling TJ after he awoke from his nap to find me home and he started crying "My mommy, my mommy". He even got really angry while I was holding him and rocking him and he climbed out of my lap, went into his closet and closed one side of it, screaming "I want my mommy". My absence from home in 36 hour stretches was taking its toll on him. He had also regressed in some other behaviors as well.
I knew my going home for that Sunday night was what TJ, Jessica and Suzy needed, but Vanessa needed me too. I had hit that infamous wall of sheer exhaustion and emotional wailing. As I was ending my nearly 25 minute drive home, I suddenly felt at peace. I had been listening to KLove radio and a song (that I now can't remember what it was) was very comforting, reminding me that God is always here, taking care of my needs. As always, the encouragement that I was needing was given. My tank was empty and God filled it again. All I needed to do was ask (which was what I had been doing through the tears as I was driving home).
Vanessa is now home and yet I still struggle with not being able to meet all of my childrens' needs as she requires a lot of care. I am still exhausted, but thankful that at least everyone is under the same roof now. It has been awesome having the meals continue to come each night (I was finally able to begin enjoying them, as I was eating at the hospital each dinner time) so that I can focus on my family and not have to worry about the meal planning and fixing.
I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family who have surrounded us in prayer during this very difficult time. Vanessa is in a lot of discomfort and pain and my heart breaks every time she is crying or frustrated about not being able to do hardly anything for herself, but we know with each passing day, her body will continue to heal. God has been so good and faithful to us.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Count down is almost at Zero
It is 10:10 PM and less than 6 hours I will be waking up (if I sleep at all) in order for Mark and I to take Vanessa to St. Joseph's hospital for her spinal fusion surgery. We are all going through a lot of different emotions right now, especially Vanessa. I am impressed that she has is handling as well as she is.
Vanessa got to see her two biological half sisters tonight and that was a huge blessing. Their adoptive father has offered to assist us in dealing with Vanessa's pain management once she is home (that is what he does) and come to find out, he is at the naturopathetic college just down the street from us every Tuesday so that we won't have to drive too far. It was nice of them to drive from Gilbert just to see Vanessa for about 30 minutes with a three year old and a four year old. TJ found some new playmates! Vanessa was relieved to hear that her mom had made contact with their adoptive mom about five months ago and that was she still clean and had just started working.
Vanessa's surgery is scheduled to start at 7 AM on Thursday, October 1, 2009 and should take about 5 hours. They are fusing her spine between the L2 and the T3 (or L3 and T2, I can't recall which it is). She will lose some range of motion, but not too much. Her hospital stay will be 5 to 7 days, with 1-2 days in the ICU. One of us will be with her at all times (Mark and I have worked out a schedule so that I am able to spend the majority of the evenings/night time at home with TJ and the other kids as we are trying to find that balance, plus Mark can sleep anywhere, I am not so lucky).
We appreciate all of the prayers of our wonderful family and friends. And very thankful for everyone who is providing meals and child care for our children so that we can focus on taking care of Vanessa. We have meals lined up for Friday through Monday, college age girls are assisting with the required over age 18 supervision for Thursday morning and the weekend with lots of back-ups in place and lots of prayers. We are so blessed!
Vanessa got to see her two biological half sisters tonight and that was a huge blessing. Their adoptive father has offered to assist us in dealing with Vanessa's pain management once she is home (that is what he does) and come to find out, he is at the naturopathetic college just down the street from us every Tuesday so that we won't have to drive too far. It was nice of them to drive from Gilbert just to see Vanessa for about 30 minutes with a three year old and a four year old. TJ found some new playmates! Vanessa was relieved to hear that her mom had made contact with their adoptive mom about five months ago and that was she still clean and had just started working.
Vanessa's surgery is scheduled to start at 7 AM on Thursday, October 1, 2009 and should take about 5 hours. They are fusing her spine between the L2 and the T3 (or L3 and T2, I can't recall which it is). She will lose some range of motion, but not too much. Her hospital stay will be 5 to 7 days, with 1-2 days in the ICU. One of us will be with her at all times (Mark and I have worked out a schedule so that I am able to spend the majority of the evenings/night time at home with TJ and the other kids as we are trying to find that balance, plus Mark can sleep anywhere, I am not so lucky).
We appreciate all of the prayers of our wonderful family and friends. And very thankful for everyone who is providing meals and child care for our children so that we can focus on taking care of Vanessa. We have meals lined up for Friday through Monday, college age girls are assisting with the required over age 18 supervision for Thursday morning and the weekend with lots of back-ups in place and lots of prayers. We are so blessed!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Even Jesus asked...
I'm having trouble sleeping these days. I have so much spinning through my head and it has been keeping me up at nights. Tonight is no exception. I'm not worrying about things, I'm just thinking about them, running different scenarios through my head, trying to plan ahead for the next few weeks and making sure that everyone's needs will be met during the time that Vanessa is in the hospital and when she first comes home. I am a planner, you should see how I plan a vacation. Mark used to be irritated about how well thought out and planned every trip was, but has now learned to appreciate it, as everything is a known and it helps the kids prepare as well. (Yesterday, I met someone who is actually more of a planner than me, Mark didn't think there was anyone who could be more than I was).
Along with the spinning head, I feel down, and at this moment, alone. I think the alone feeling is coming from the fact that the house is quiet (I'm in a room without the baby monitor in it), which is a rarity and something that I'm not used these days (it's amazing how it seems like TJ has been here forever and it's only been 8 weeks). It's also 12:12 AM on Monday morning, which is why I am alone. I do know that God is with me and this is a great time for me to reflect on my relationship with Him and look forward.
I don't like what the future has in store for my family these next few weeks. Vanessa is not doing well emotionally. We have never had a really good relationship and it is certainly not getting any better these days. There is a small part of me that has asked God, why Vanessa, and couldn't she be passed over. I felt guilty for asking and then I was reminded that when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethasame, He also asked if the cup could be passed, but then He said that God's will be done. Sometimes we just need to ask, even if the answer is no.
This is God's will my family's life right now and I know that no matter what, He is control. I give Vanessa to Him, as well as our relationship. It's not easy, but I do it willingly. I have come to realize that I can't do anything on my own, no matter how much I try or want to.
I appreciate everyone who is praying for us and for those who have offered up assistance during the time Vanessa is in the hospital and beyond. God is good and we are blessed.
Along with the spinning head, I feel down, and at this moment, alone. I think the alone feeling is coming from the fact that the house is quiet (I'm in a room without the baby monitor in it), which is a rarity and something that I'm not used these days (it's amazing how it seems like TJ has been here forever and it's only been 8 weeks). It's also 12:12 AM on Monday morning, which is why I am alone. I do know that God is with me and this is a great time for me to reflect on my relationship with Him and look forward.
I don't like what the future has in store for my family these next few weeks. Vanessa is not doing well emotionally. We have never had a really good relationship and it is certainly not getting any better these days. There is a small part of me that has asked God, why Vanessa, and couldn't she be passed over. I felt guilty for asking and then I was reminded that when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethasame, He also asked if the cup could be passed, but then He said that God's will be done. Sometimes we just need to ask, even if the answer is no.
This is God's will my family's life right now and I know that no matter what, He is control. I give Vanessa to Him, as well as our relationship. It's not easy, but I do it willingly. I have come to realize that I can't do anything on my own, no matter how much I try or want to.
I appreciate everyone who is praying for us and for those who have offered up assistance during the time Vanessa is in the hospital and beyond. God is good and we are blessed.
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